1 00:00:00,194 --> 00:00:01,459 Welcome to part two. 2 00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:12,586 the episode with Lisa Hurley Welcome to the Trill MBA show, the career management podcast, teaching black women how to become unstoppable at work. 3 00:00:12,586 --> 00:00:21,539 I'm Felicia Ann Rose Enuha, AKA the Trillest MBA delivering the inspiring truth through strategies and tactics. 4 00:00:21,539 --> 00:00:26,822 So you feel protected, confident, and ready to conquer your career. 5 00:00:32,504 --> 00:00:36,518 You know, you say loving yourself is about choosing alignment. 6 00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:38,962 Even when it's uncomfortable. 7 00:00:38,962 --> 00:00:46,210 So what is the hardest thing you had to let go of to really start loving yourself on purpose? 8 00:00:46,894 --> 00:00:50,055 I had to let go of the path. 9 00:00:51,514 --> 00:00:56,159 I had to let go of the path. 10 00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:58,217 you you mentioned it a little bit earlier. 11 00:00:58,217 --> 00:00:59,230 I mentioned it in the book. 12 00:00:59,230 --> 00:01:06,804 The path is the, you know, in certain cultures, especially a lot of marginalized cultures. 13 00:01:07,004 --> 00:01:10,386 Listen, if you're not a doctor, lawyer, engineer, are you even? 14 00:01:10,486 --> 00:01:12,397 worthy as a human being, right? 15 00:01:12,397 --> 00:01:13,087 We know a lot. 16 00:01:13,087 --> 00:01:14,867 That's true for a lot of us, right? 17 00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:18,378 So the path is making sure that you're on one of those tracks already. 18 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:25,080 If you're not on one of those tracks, it's like, okay, you've already reduced a bit in your quote unquote in your value as a human being. 19 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:26,250 Right. 20 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:26,970 Right. 21 00:01:26,970 --> 00:01:29,831 Then you're supposed to graduate at the top of your class. 22 00:01:29,831 --> 00:01:30,811 You mentioned this earlier. 23 00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:35,593 Get a good job, get promoted, go back and do your masters and be whatever. 24 00:01:35,593 --> 00:01:37,293 Get another job. 25 00:01:37,373 --> 00:01:38,806 Get promoted again. 26 00:01:38,806 --> 00:01:40,524 And in between there, 27 00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:45,402 You're also supposed to, you know, get an appropriate spouse, have the appropriate number of children. 28 00:01:45,402 --> 00:01:47,082 All of that is the path. 29 00:01:47,862 --> 00:01:50,322 I had to let go of the path. 30 00:01:50,322 --> 00:02:00,722 That was one of the major things because I was actually again, going back to remembering who you are and who you've always I was never that person. 31 00:02:00,902 --> 00:02:02,642 I was never that person. 32 00:02:02,642 --> 00:02:03,652 I wasn't. 33 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,838 I didn't realize it at the time. 34 00:02:06,838 --> 00:02:12,018 think back to one of my jobs that I have in that I had in when I worked in Barbados. 35 00:02:12,018 --> 00:02:15,958 Barbados is an island in the Caribbean. 36 00:02:15,958 --> 00:02:19,478 A lot of the jobs available there are in the tourism industry. 37 00:02:19,478 --> 00:02:20,258 Right. 38 00:02:20,258 --> 00:02:29,870 I was working at the front desk and one of my bosses noticed, you know, anytime they asked. 39 00:02:29,870 --> 00:02:35,690 Hey, does somebody want to go and don't know, insert whatever it is, go and deliver this, go and check on whatever. 40 00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:36,830 I was like, I'll do it. 41 00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:37,670 I'll do it. 42 00:02:37,670 --> 00:02:42,330 And eventually he's like, you don't like being at the desk, like stationer. 43 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,450 I was like, no, I don't. 44 00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:46,290 Your behavior will tell on you. 45 00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:47,050 Yeah. 46 00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:50,050 What they were asking to be done still needed to be done. 47 00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:50,870 Don't get me wrong. 48 00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:55,890 But he definitely noticed that wait, this is always the one that wants to be like, I want to run away. 49 00:02:55,890 --> 00:02:59,884 I don't want to be stationary at the desk. 50 00:02:59,884 --> 00:03:07,408 Number one, number two is I eventually realized I do not have a customer service personality. 51 00:03:08,413 --> 00:03:10,087 I love how you put that. 52 00:03:10,504 --> 00:03:11,375 Yes. 53 00:03:11,377 --> 00:03:12,902 I don't have the personality. 54 00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,650 It's just like realizing that I'm being okay with that. 55 00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:17,605 This is why I do solitary things. 56 00:03:17,605 --> 00:03:18,376 Like, 57 00:03:18,638 --> 00:03:21,358 No, and that key right there. 58 00:03:21,358 --> 00:03:23,578 You gotta know it yourself. 59 00:03:23,968 --> 00:03:35,043 Because being realistic about who you are, about what you love, about what makes your soul and your spirit sing, all of that is part of loving yourself. 60 00:03:35,043 --> 00:03:35,393 Right. 61 00:03:35,393 --> 00:03:40,625 And then translating that into, well, who do I want to be now? 62 00:03:40,625 --> 00:03:42,846 How do I want to be in the world? 63 00:03:42,846 --> 00:03:44,277 Where do I want to be? 64 00:03:44,277 --> 00:03:47,788 mean, it sounds like a typical um corporate question. 65 00:03:47,788 --> 00:03:49,509 Where do I want to be five years from now? 66 00:03:49,509 --> 00:03:49,969 Guess what? 67 00:03:49,969 --> 00:03:51,290 No, this company. 68 00:03:54,066 --> 00:04:01,142 you're saying the quiet part out loud and i am here for it because i am the person that will say the quiet part out loud 69 00:04:01,142 --> 00:04:04,533 Listen, has better in store for me. 70 00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:17,887 And so it's being clear about those things and being OK with walking away when they don't serve you and being OK to ah speak a different truth and claim a different reality for 71 00:04:17,887 --> 00:04:18,687 yourself. 72 00:04:18,687 --> 00:04:31,110 And so I had to walk away from the path and what had been expected of me all along and really delve into 73 00:04:31,202 --> 00:04:36,832 That actually, that might be true for some people, but it is not true for me and that is okay. 74 00:04:36,832 --> 00:04:40,539 It's okay if I am not a corporate person, quote unquote. 75 00:04:40,539 --> 00:04:42,946 I am uh too direct. 76 00:04:42,946 --> 00:04:49,713 You literally have to become an actress if you were direct. 77 00:04:50,014 --> 00:05:00,910 at my time at a particular company, decided that I was going to adopt a persona. 78 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:03,648 um Did your persona have a name by the way? 79 00:05:04,094 --> 00:05:17,301 No, I didn't give her a name because I think my spirit wasn't really aligned to this strategy, but I was testing this because I had a friend who told me about her Pollyanna 80 00:05:17,522 --> 00:05:24,316 and I was like, I think in this particular culture that might work for me. 81 00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:25,867 So let me try it. 82 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:31,190 I started when I from day one, I had these rules. 83 00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:32,212 I'm going to. 84 00:05:32,212 --> 00:05:35,744 grin and show my gums all the time. 85 00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:40,228 If my cheeks don't hurt at the end of the day, I didn't do it right. 86 00:05:40,889 --> 00:05:47,475 I am going to speak in higher pitched tones because my voice naturally is deeper. 87 00:05:47,475 --> 00:05:49,856 So I would say talk like this. 88 00:05:49,856 --> 00:05:52,318 my goodness, guys, that is awesome. 89 00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:53,569 Oh my God. 90 00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:54,940 Wow. 91 00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:55,911 Really? 92 00:05:55,911 --> 00:05:57,242 my goodness. 93 00:05:57,242 --> 00:06:01,305 And then to throw them off a little bit one-on-one. 94 00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:04,652 I'd be like, now why are we doing this again? 95 00:06:04,652 --> 00:06:10,177 And make jokes and be, you know, ha ha ha ha ha ha. 96 00:06:10,177 --> 00:06:10,678 Right? 97 00:06:10,678 --> 00:06:12,960 Because I'm building relationships. 98 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:17,654 So one-on-one, I'd be a little more familiar. 99 00:06:17,654 --> 00:06:20,966 And that was always fun because that's closer to my actual personality. 100 00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:27,052 But in big means, like every Friday we would have this team meeting on Teams. 101 00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:30,284 And I'd be like, I'd come on the meeting, hey guys! 102 00:06:32,206 --> 00:06:33,426 I y'all glad it's Friday. 103 00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,786 Oh my God, we're doing so good. 104 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:39,823 I know it's rough, but you know, we gonna make it. 105 00:06:39,823 --> 00:06:42,615 I was just super positivity. 106 00:06:43,456 --> 00:06:44,857 And that worked. 107 00:06:44,857 --> 00:06:46,899 That was working well. 108 00:06:47,019 --> 00:06:50,202 I had never been received so well. 109 00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:52,479 That's actually a bit sad. 110 00:06:53,004 --> 00:06:55,284 But then what had happened was... 111 00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:56,384 What happened? 112 00:06:56,384 --> 00:06:57,190 oh 113 00:06:57,454 --> 00:07:00,749 I saw George Floyd get killed on my TV. 114 00:07:00,749 --> 00:07:01,200 Yep. 115 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,197 And then I broke character. 116 00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:12,460 Hmm y'all do it So you saw that happen on TV and then you went to work the next day, huh? 117 00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:14,661 uh What happened? 118 00:07:14,830 --> 00:07:17,370 It took 48 hours. 119 00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:22,030 see what had happened was then they had you in these meetings, these listening. 120 00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:24,050 We want to listen. 121 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:27,610 And da da da. 122 00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:29,210 I was like, oh, y'all want to understand now? 123 00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:30,690 Let me tell you something. 124 00:07:32,472 --> 00:07:32,866 Hunters! 125 00:07:32,866 --> 00:07:34,676 You know what your problem is? 126 00:07:34,676 --> 00:07:36,009 Let me tell you what the problem is. 127 00:07:36,009 --> 00:07:37,060 You wanna know what the problem is? 128 00:07:37,060 --> 00:07:37,950 You really wanna know? 129 00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:40,872 No, no, do you really wanna know? 130 00:07:40,873 --> 00:07:51,682 So I went from, hey guys, da da da da, and I think at first I tried to be like, well, you know, I think what we need is understanding. 131 00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:54,834 And I just, and then at a certain point I broke. 132 00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:56,194 was like, nah, you know what? 133 00:07:56,194 --> 00:07:56,994 I'm tired. 134 00:07:56,994 --> 00:08:00,014 Like stop acting like you don't know what to do. 135 00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:01,754 The human thing to do. 136 00:08:01,754 --> 00:08:03,274 Now this is in the big meeting. 137 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,614 I'm saying it. 138 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:14,334 The human thing to do right now, if you have a direct report who's black, you call them up on Teams and just say, Hey, I just want to know, are you okay? 139 00:08:14,334 --> 00:08:16,374 How are you? 140 00:08:16,374 --> 00:08:18,174 And then just listen. 141 00:08:18,174 --> 00:08:20,517 Like make space to listen to us. 142 00:08:20,517 --> 00:08:22,619 Y'all, but y'all don't want to listen. 143 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,043 Y'all won't listen cause you scared. 144 00:08:25,043 --> 00:08:26,686 What you scared of? 145 00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:28,117 Aren't we all human beings? 146 00:08:28,117 --> 00:08:33,294 Like I had a whole child and my friend, my friend, worked together. 147 00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:36,318 He was like, what happened to happy Friday? 148 00:08:40,462 --> 00:08:41,602 Woo! 149 00:08:41,802 --> 00:08:44,518 That was a 180, that was like pshh! 150 00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:49,750 Listen and then they didn't know what to think they was looking at me and I was like, know what? 151 00:08:51,311 --> 00:08:55,010 I Got this other offer over here and you're acting the fools. 152 00:08:55,010 --> 00:09:00,126 I'm gonna go over here and make more money So that's what happened 153 00:09:00,906 --> 00:09:02,375 Love that story 154 00:09:09,122 --> 00:09:17,204 You know, that's another part of, because we're talking about, you know, the second part of the framework about, you know, it's know yourself and now we're in love yourself, 155 00:09:17,204 --> 00:09:17,694 right? 156 00:09:17,694 --> 00:09:20,185 That is also a part of loving yourself. 157 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:25,647 It's advocating for yourself to be treated appropriately. 158 00:09:25,647 --> 00:09:29,848 I'm not never asking for anybody to kiss the proverbial ring. 159 00:09:29,848 --> 00:09:30,928 That's not what I'm asking for. 160 00:09:30,928 --> 00:09:33,789 I'm asking for basic respect. 161 00:09:33,869 --> 00:09:34,479 Basic! 162 00:09:34,479 --> 00:09:36,090 I feel like it's basic! 163 00:09:37,342 --> 00:09:39,004 you treat me with respect. 164 00:09:39,004 --> 00:09:53,056 I always say look the Lisa you get is based on you because I another part of loving yourself is you know what another thing I'm not about to be the bigger person no no no no 165 00:09:53,056 --> 00:10:04,706 not about to do that not about to do the thing where you disrespect me publicly but you want to talk about it privately no no no we're going to talk about it I'll reply all 166 00:10:04,950 --> 00:10:08,223 In public like how you started trying to disrespect me. 167 00:10:08,364 --> 00:10:11,056 And let me tell you why that's important. 168 00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:16,148 recently re-released an episode from last season with Razzlyn Wooten. 169 00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:19,914 She is a PR comms executive. 170 00:10:19,914 --> 00:10:21,551 She owns her own PR agency. 171 00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:30,426 Now she shared her story, her horror story, working for Target being put on three pips. 172 00:10:31,166 --> 00:10:38,580 subsequently she left Target, started working with a company called Invesco and she actually sued them in one. 173 00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:40,438 for discrimination, it was bad. 174 00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:52,319 But in that story with Invesco, her manager would intentionally tell her things to her face and be like, oh, you know what? 175 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,202 Don't go to that meeting with that person. 176 00:10:55,202 --> 00:10:57,144 I'll handle it or whatever. 177 00:10:57,144 --> 00:10:59,316 And then the next day, so she doesn't go to the meeting. 178 00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:03,189 Then the next day, people are like, well, why I wasn't razzling in the meeting? 179 00:11:03,189 --> 00:11:04,238 And then she goes, 180 00:11:04,238 --> 00:11:05,718 I don't know why she wasn't in the meeting. 181 00:11:05,718 --> 00:11:07,518 I'll have to talk to her about that. 182 00:11:07,518 --> 00:11:09,798 So then that would be an email. 183 00:11:10,318 --> 00:11:14,578 But then Razzlyn would be like, but you told me not to go. 184 00:11:14,578 --> 00:11:16,718 And then she wouldn't respond to that email. 185 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:17,538 She'd call her. 186 00:11:17,538 --> 00:11:18,558 Oh my bad. 187 00:11:18,558 --> 00:11:19,998 I forgot. 188 00:11:20,258 --> 00:11:21,818 I forgot I told you that. 189 00:11:21,818 --> 00:11:30,838 But now in email, it makes it seem like she told me to do something and I didn't do it. 190 00:11:31,298 --> 00:11:33,782 So it's very important. 191 00:11:33,782 --> 00:11:35,335 Yeah. 192 00:11:35,335 --> 00:11:38,890 When you that phone call, then respond email. 193 00:11:38,890 --> 00:11:40,713 thank you so much for that. 194 00:11:40,713 --> 00:11:43,022 You know, so glad we got to chat earlier. 195 00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:44,162 Right. 196 00:11:44,202 --> 00:11:51,008 And you said this and I just want to make sure that, you know, let me know if there's anything incorrect with what I said. 197 00:11:51,008 --> 00:12:00,376 So that way, if they don't respond, their non-response means that there was nothing incorrect with what you said and everything you said was correct. 198 00:12:00,376 --> 00:12:08,842 And then when you go to court, if you have to end up in court, Lord, pray you don't have to end up in court, but in court. 199 00:12:08,914 --> 00:12:16,816 Now you have your documentation and if you guys haven't heard that story, go back and listen to those episodes. 200 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:20,295 I feel like we should make a movie out of it. 201 00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:21,218 It was wild. 202 00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:22,558 was like, girl. 203 00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:24,639 But yeah, it's wild out here. 204 00:12:24,639 --> 00:12:27,389 I know I've been through it. 205 00:12:27,389 --> 00:12:36,142 I've heard a lot of stories and it's like we're running the tape, put a different name in, put a different company name. 206 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,458 And rinse and repeat. 207 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:42,261 Like it's amazing. 208 00:12:42,682 --> 00:12:43,523 The. 209 00:12:43,984 --> 00:12:45,305 It's it is a playbook. 210 00:12:45,305 --> 00:12:48,340 And you mentioned this in the book, like she ran the play back. 211 00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:49,142 ran the playbook. 212 00:12:49,142 --> 00:12:50,534 I was like, yes, she did. 213 00:12:50,534 --> 00:12:51,505 I know she did. 214 00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:53,908 Once you said she cried, I was like. 215 00:12:56,187 --> 00:12:57,518 You're done for. 216 00:12:57,518 --> 00:13:07,658 Again, still remember the thing is, I actually wrote double what I was initially in terms of word count. 217 00:13:08,558 --> 00:13:12,918 And what you saw, some of it that has been deleted. 218 00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:15,418 Like this is the edited down version. 219 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:22,818 So that's why I'm saying it's like there are so many stories, whether it is mine, yours, so many other. 220 00:13:22,818 --> 00:13:25,249 black women and people of the global majority. 221 00:13:25,249 --> 00:13:27,601 This kind of thing happens all the time. 222 00:13:27,601 --> 00:13:34,524 And I remember after, um you know, basically, you know, the person was forced to apologize to me. 223 00:13:34,524 --> 00:13:41,528 And so she, you know, very reluctantly called a one on one meeting sat down in this meeting in front of me. 224 00:13:42,669 --> 00:13:43,029 Right. 225 00:13:43,029 --> 00:13:48,272 They supposed I don't want to use the word victim, but you understand the right. 226 00:13:48,492 --> 00:13:52,194 The person upon whom the harm had been perpetrated. 227 00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:52,750 Exactly. 228 00:13:52,750 --> 00:14:00,920 And she starts crying and I literally, I literally tilted my head to this side and I said, can you explain? 229 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,882 No, I'm sure that didn't help. 230 00:14:03,323 --> 00:14:05,696 Can you explain to me why you are crying? 231 00:14:05,696 --> 00:14:09,370 What did she say? 232 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:18,522 I can't share because the response might make the person fully recognizable. 233 00:14:18,522 --> 00:14:19,922 don't want to do that. 234 00:14:20,002 --> 00:14:21,262 I know you understand. 235 00:14:21,262 --> 00:14:22,442 know you understand. 236 00:14:22,442 --> 00:14:33,902 But it was ridiculous because it's one of these things where it's like, well, know, my hair is purple. 237 00:14:33,902 --> 00:14:37,182 So I understand exactly what it's like to be a black person. 238 00:14:37,242 --> 00:14:38,682 It was like one of those. 239 00:14:38,822 --> 00:14:39,534 Oh, 240 00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:40,263 Jesus 241 00:14:40,263 --> 00:14:44,401 Because I too have been discriminated against from my purple hair 242 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:49,200 And that's why you were, oh, no, that's not what we do. 243 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,461 But, let me give a tip. 244 00:14:51,722 --> 00:15:02,968 If you find yourself in a room with somebody crying, you get up, you get a bottle of water and you say, drink this. 245 00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:13,494 And then after you drink, we can have a real conversation because it is very difficult for the human body to drink water and cry at the same time. 246 00:15:13,784 --> 00:15:14,388 Huh. 247 00:15:14,388 --> 00:15:17,881 And I'm not even saying and don't even do it in a calmly way. 248 00:15:17,881 --> 00:15:19,823 Like just matter of factly. 249 00:15:19,823 --> 00:15:20,523 Yeah. 250 00:15:20,523 --> 00:15:21,583 Drink. 251 00:15:21,724 --> 00:15:22,945 Then we'll talk. 252 00:15:22,945 --> 00:15:23,305 Yeah. 253 00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:29,330 And just sit there and look at them crazy and they get themselves together because that's ridiculous. 254 00:15:29,411 --> 00:15:33,284 So I want to take a quick break, pay some bills. 255 00:15:33,284 --> 00:15:43,542 But when we get back, I want to get into before I let you go, I want to get into the last section of your book about be yourself because this feels 256 00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:50,768 dangerous for us for everything we've been talking about, but I think that you have given us a key. 257 00:15:50,768 --> 00:15:53,140 And I want to talk about that when we get back. 258 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,317 you 259 00:15:58,098 --> 00:15:59,618 And we are back. 260 00:15:59,618 --> 00:16:09,581 We are having a wonderful conversation with Lisa Hurley, author of Space to Exhale. 261 00:16:09,581 --> 00:16:11,842 I love the title of this book. 262 00:16:11,842 --> 00:16:14,261 It it makes me it reminds me to breathe. 263 00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:16,603 Just the title alone reminds me to breathe. 264 00:16:16,603 --> 00:16:27,406 But better than just the title of the book are the actionable guides and steps to getting to a place to exist. 265 00:16:27,406 --> 00:16:35,266 in the construct that we found ourselves, but like get back to ourselves, love ourselves. 266 00:16:35,266 --> 00:16:39,886 And now Lisa, the last section of the talks about be yourself. 267 00:16:39,886 --> 00:16:44,486 And I'm going tell you, I am currently battling with this thing. 268 00:16:44,486 --> 00:16:50,986 This is why this book hit me so hard because I'm battling about how do I love myself? 269 00:16:50,986 --> 00:16:51,706 What does that mean? 270 00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:52,586 What does that look like? 271 00:16:52,586 --> 00:16:55,604 Like I'm in this space in my life where 272 00:16:55,604 --> 00:17:01,257 I am trying to figure out exactly who I am or who I want to be. 273 00:17:01,394 --> 00:17:19,827 So for me, this body of work that you have lovingly put together and every chapter reminding me to breathe, giving me different ways to breathe for different things. 274 00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:24,809 Like I was just like, my God, I really be holding my breath. 275 00:17:27,096 --> 00:17:33,982 The thing is, we don't even realize it because, you know, to use the vernacular, right? 276 00:17:33,982 --> 00:17:36,424 We know that we can't just... 277 00:17:36,424 --> 00:17:38,585 Otherwise something might pop off, right? 278 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:39,447 Yeah. 279 00:17:39,447 --> 00:17:40,908 Something might pop off. 280 00:17:40,908 --> 00:17:42,209 I'm able to get hurt. 281 00:17:42,209 --> 00:17:43,950 We're aware of that. 282 00:17:43,971 --> 00:17:48,595 We want to still be around and, you know, um for ourselves and our families. 283 00:17:48,595 --> 00:17:52,438 And so we almost hold ourselves tightly. 284 00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:53,391 Right? 285 00:17:53,391 --> 00:17:54,452 Hold ourselves tightly. 286 00:17:54,452 --> 00:17:55,633 We hold in our emotions. 287 00:17:55,633 --> 00:17:59,775 We hold in our feelings, our um anger. 288 00:17:59,776 --> 00:18:00,186 Right? 289 00:18:00,186 --> 00:18:11,406 And then beneath the anger, sometimes, you know, the pain and the sadness, the disappointment, the feelings of unsafety and abandonment. 290 00:18:11,406 --> 00:18:21,964 We hold all that in because like you were just saying, if we cry, if we let it out, if we express it, somehow that is seen as wrong. 291 00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:27,543 We are overtly or covertly punished for that directly or indirectly. 292 00:18:27,543 --> 00:18:28,814 We're punished. 293 00:18:28,814 --> 00:18:32,496 And so we know we can't just let our feelings out. 294 00:18:32,636 --> 00:18:33,016 Right. 295 00:18:33,016 --> 00:18:36,258 So we do hold our feelings in. 296 00:18:36,358 --> 00:18:39,139 And yes, we do hold our breath. 297 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:49,186 You know, we're all in almost a constant state of almost like not oxygen deficiency, but definitely a state of almost permanent tension. 298 00:18:49,186 --> 00:18:50,126 Right. 299 00:18:50,316 --> 00:18:55,779 You know, it's like if you many of us walk around, we hold our tummies in, right? 300 00:18:55,779 --> 00:18:57,991 Yes, I do. 301 00:18:57,991 --> 00:19:02,073 Listen, let your tummy out. 302 00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:09,538 Breathe in, exhale and let your tummy out. 303 00:19:09,538 --> 00:19:10,859 Let your tummy out. 304 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:14,722 nobody looking at your belly right now. 305 00:19:14,722 --> 00:19:15,742 Right. 306 00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:17,918 Love your belly just the way it is. 307 00:19:17,918 --> 00:19:18,849 Let me tell you. 308 00:19:18,849 --> 00:19:35,602 I'm just gonna be frank, know, a vice president and chairperson of the IBTC, my belly may or may not, allegedly, be further out. 309 00:19:36,303 --> 00:19:36,993 Allegedly? 310 00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:44,099 Hypothetically, may or may not be out of proportion to the B part of that acronym, right? 311 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,009 Right. 312 00:19:45,390 --> 00:19:50,212 However yet and still, my belly deserves to relax. 313 00:19:50,632 --> 00:19:53,522 All that tension we are, who are we holding the belly in for? 314 00:19:53,522 --> 00:20:04,838 Especially when you realize you're sitting out at home on your own couch in front of your Netflix, eating your own chips and ice cream. 315 00:20:04,838 --> 00:20:06,899 Who are you holding your belly in for? 316 00:20:07,019 --> 00:20:07,539 No. 317 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:13,702 Let's say you're doing a photo shoot or you have, I don't know, you're walking across the stage and you're like, okay, I might need to. 318 00:20:13,934 --> 00:20:16,494 I mean, I'm like what? 319 00:20:16,714 --> 00:20:18,374 Just for the angle. 320 00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:20,854 Right? 321 00:20:22,714 --> 00:20:24,134 All of that. 322 00:20:24,134 --> 00:20:27,734 So you do all of that, but let the belly go. 323 00:20:27,734 --> 00:20:29,934 Let your shoulders relax. 324 00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:31,734 Girl, your jaw. 325 00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:34,294 You know where we hold a lot of tension in our eyebrows? 326 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,274 Right across here, your eyebrows and just underneath. 327 00:20:38,474 --> 00:20:39,274 Yeah. 328 00:20:39,574 --> 00:20:43,182 When you realize, well, I'm holding all of this 329 00:20:43,182 --> 00:20:45,862 stress and tension and for what? 330 00:20:46,382 --> 00:21:00,242 But it has become almost ingrained and so that is why we have to like consciously and repeatedly and consistently take these steps to exhale, take breath, let your belly out, 331 00:21:00,242 --> 00:21:02,162 let your waistline breathe as I say. 332 00:21:02,162 --> 00:21:04,622 Kimono's open and let your waistline breathe. 333 00:21:04,622 --> 00:21:08,902 Yeah, know, let your waistline relax, let your belly relax. 334 00:21:08,902 --> 00:21:12,902 Who are we trying to impress at home on our couch? 335 00:21:13,014 --> 00:21:21,638 You know, and if we are at the point where we can't even be ourselves in our own house, this is what the world has done to us. 336 00:21:22,479 --> 00:21:25,801 And so we have to push back against that. 337 00:21:25,801 --> 00:21:32,445 be yourself in terms of showing up exactly as who you are. 338 00:21:32,445 --> 00:21:32,765 Right. 339 00:21:32,765 --> 00:21:35,107 Going back to the other chapters. 340 00:21:35,107 --> 00:21:35,827 Right. 341 00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:41,730 If you are the person, like I said, I am not a corporate girly as much as it's possible now. 342 00:21:42,350 --> 00:21:44,230 please out with common sense. 343 00:21:44,230 --> 00:21:45,050 Right. 344 00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:46,310 I have a 95. 345 00:21:46,550 --> 00:21:48,630 I do the people that work. 346 00:21:49,290 --> 00:21:50,830 I always I show up. 347 00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:51,990 I do the people's work. 348 00:21:51,990 --> 00:21:53,370 This is what I'm being paid to do. 349 00:21:53,370 --> 00:21:55,050 You act in integrity. 350 00:21:55,150 --> 00:21:56,130 Yes. 351 00:21:56,330 --> 00:22:01,430 But let me tell you not an ounce more than that work. 352 00:22:01,430 --> 00:22:03,730 Not a happy hour, not a stretch. 353 00:22:03,730 --> 00:22:08,782 But again, this is for me bearing in mind I'm at a different phase of my career. 354 00:22:08,782 --> 00:22:09,582 facts. 355 00:22:09,582 --> 00:22:21,202 Y'all in your 20s, 30s, sometimes even 40s, Build the relationships, network, do all of that, act responsibly, right? 356 00:22:21,202 --> 00:22:21,722 Yes. 357 00:22:21,722 --> 00:22:23,982 With all of those caveats in place. 358 00:22:24,082 --> 00:22:31,422 No, they're not getting anything more than what is contracted because I have already, I've done that. 359 00:22:31,422 --> 00:22:32,282 I've been there, I've done that. 360 00:22:32,282 --> 00:22:33,326 I've done 361 00:22:33,326 --> 00:22:35,686 the happy hours I've done the trying to network. 362 00:22:35,686 --> 00:22:39,786 This is as somebody who is extremely introverted. 363 00:22:39,786 --> 00:22:47,726 The amount of energy it takes for me to introverted and pretty much a teetotaler. 364 00:22:47,726 --> 00:22:49,166 So I don't drink either. 365 00:22:49,166 --> 00:22:57,886 And I was supposed to spend my time as for me and my family and my creativity and my puppy dog with no. 366 00:22:58,086 --> 00:23:00,466 So you but you have to know 367 00:23:00,526 --> 00:23:08,406 what you want and also be okay with it's equally okay to want a job as is to want a career. 368 00:23:08,406 --> 00:23:09,926 Let me say that again. 369 00:23:09,926 --> 00:23:16,466 It is equally okay to want and to have a job as it is to want and to have a career. 370 00:23:16,466 --> 00:23:18,606 A job and a career not the same thing. 371 00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:19,666 They are not. 372 00:23:19,666 --> 00:23:23,306 Career has pathing in mind. 373 00:23:23,506 --> 00:23:25,986 There's pathing, there's progression. 374 00:23:26,094 --> 00:23:27,454 Et cetera, et cetera. 375 00:23:27,454 --> 00:23:30,796 I'm sure you can speak to this even more than you can. 376 00:23:30,796 --> 00:23:36,168 And the job is what it is for the paycheck to pay your bills. 377 00:23:36,168 --> 00:23:38,089 And is OK. 378 00:23:38,089 --> 00:23:49,614 Fuel what could be your career if you were creative and you're working to commercialize your creativity, then let the job fuel that. 379 00:23:49,614 --> 00:23:50,474 Yeah. 380 00:23:50,474 --> 00:23:52,194 So do the job. 381 00:23:52,194 --> 00:24:01,274 Do the job responsibly, know, act in integrity, do what you are contracted to do and then be done with it and then do what you want to do. 382 00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:01,714 Right. 383 00:24:01,714 --> 00:24:09,414 I would also say part of being yourself is also knowing that you don't have to. 384 00:24:09,794 --> 00:24:11,794 Everything doesn't have to be monetized. 385 00:24:11,794 --> 00:24:12,354 Right. 386 00:24:12,354 --> 00:24:18,434 So you don't you also don't have to do the well, if I'm not going to have a career, I'm going to have a side hustle. 387 00:24:18,463 --> 00:24:21,109 You don't have to do all of 388 00:24:21,366 --> 00:24:27,033 Yeah, because I love in the book you talk about how your side hustle had a side hustle. 389 00:24:28,315 --> 00:24:30,350 And that led to some burnout. 390 00:24:30,350 --> 00:24:39,730 Yeah, people did not realize I had a 95 because I mean, I've now taken all of my, shall we say, corporate jobs off of my LinkedIn, right? 391 00:24:39,730 --> 00:24:40,970 Which feels wonderful. 392 00:24:40,970 --> 00:24:42,430 must just I'm like, I don't need that. 393 00:24:42,430 --> 00:24:43,530 I don't need them. 394 00:24:43,530 --> 00:24:44,630 I don't. 395 00:24:44,770 --> 00:24:44,910 Yeah. 396 00:24:44,910 --> 00:24:46,070 Which is beautiful. 397 00:24:46,070 --> 00:24:52,010 The people with whom I am going to collaborate in future are not going to care. 398 00:24:52,010 --> 00:24:54,590 I have to trust and believe that. 399 00:24:54,590 --> 00:24:54,970 Right. 400 00:24:54,970 --> 00:24:57,450 Now, mind you, again, use logic. 401 00:24:57,630 --> 00:25:00,330 Did I copy paste all of that content? 402 00:25:00,330 --> 00:25:04,231 into a Google Doc for if I ever. 403 00:25:04,231 --> 00:25:07,952 know, we believe we believe in backups and we believe in receipts. 404 00:25:07,952 --> 00:25:09,633 So access access some logic. 405 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:12,813 I'm not saying go on, wipe out your entire LinkedIn. 406 00:25:12,813 --> 00:25:14,754 what I do. 407 00:25:14,754 --> 00:25:18,795 The documentation, have your documentation, keep your backups. 408 00:25:18,795 --> 00:25:23,146 So for me, if ever there comes a time where it needs to be reinstated, I have it there. 409 00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:24,537 I don't even need to think about it. 410 00:25:24,537 --> 00:25:25,137 Right. 411 00:25:25,137 --> 00:25:29,774 And so it's OK to just be yourself. 412 00:25:29,774 --> 00:25:44,434 And in that acceptance, make adjustments to your life, to truly reflect who you are and what you want for yourself, as opposed to blindly getting on what I call the treadmill of 413 00:25:44,434 --> 00:25:49,614 the path and it feeling like motion with no progress. 414 00:25:49,834 --> 00:25:50,354 Right. 415 00:25:50,354 --> 00:25:52,454 You're just there and you're walking and you're walking and walking. 416 00:25:52,454 --> 00:25:55,114 You're like, wait, I'm actually in the same place. 417 00:25:55,494 --> 00:25:59,212 You know, because you go to job number one. 418 00:25:59,212 --> 00:26:06,886 And then you hit that glass ceiling and then they put you on a pit and then you go to job number two and it starts all over again and they say, they're technically overqualified, 419 00:26:06,886 --> 00:26:09,187 but we need you to start at entry level. 420 00:26:09,388 --> 00:26:11,209 They come up with some foolish excuse. 421 00:26:11,209 --> 00:26:15,201 And then you have to take a pay cut, start all over again. 422 00:26:15,201 --> 00:26:17,993 Again, treadmill, treadmill, treadmill. 423 00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:18,363 Why? 424 00:26:18,363 --> 00:26:19,994 Yeah. 425 00:26:19,994 --> 00:26:20,864 Why? 426 00:26:21,006 --> 00:26:24,066 Here's the thing, you don't know this. 427 00:26:25,386 --> 00:26:27,726 Because we're not besties yet. 428 00:26:27,726 --> 00:26:28,366 But we will be. 429 00:26:28,366 --> 00:26:31,486 But you are reading me for filth right now. 430 00:26:31,486 --> 00:26:32,406 What? 431 00:26:33,486 --> 00:26:37,358 Yes, you are reading me for filth right now and you have no idea. 432 00:26:37,358 --> 00:26:39,583 Alright, talk to me, talk to me, tell me. 433 00:26:40,302 --> 00:26:55,342 Because I, my mom was education is the key and her brother, so my mom had a brother and they had two different dads, but the same mom, my grandma. 434 00:26:55,742 --> 00:27:03,942 So my uncle, he, his dad came and got him and made him go to Florida A &M for college. 435 00:27:03,942 --> 00:27:07,234 And then that set him on this path to 436 00:27:07,234 --> 00:27:13,741 you know, a better financial future than my mother who was told, marry well. 437 00:27:13,741 --> 00:27:21,812 And she tried that because my dad's an engineer by trade, but like, yeah, it didn't work out. 438 00:27:21,812 --> 00:27:25,735 But he's an engineer that is now on the continent of Africa. 439 00:27:26,094 --> 00:27:34,060 oh He's very wealthy man from what I understand, but I ain't seen none of that and my mama didn't either. 440 00:27:34,060 --> 00:27:37,562 she half picked right. 441 00:27:40,545 --> 00:27:50,391 So because of that and because she wasn't lucky in love, she doubled down on this idea of this path. 442 00:27:50,432 --> 00:27:52,673 And it was, I mean, if I... 443 00:27:52,673 --> 00:27:54,214 oh 444 00:27:54,574 --> 00:27:59,954 If I didn't make more, at least what I made the six weeks before. 445 00:27:59,954 --> 00:28:02,754 So let's say one six weeks, I made a 95. 446 00:28:02,754 --> 00:28:08,734 If I didn't make a 95 or better, I would get something taken away or I couldn't talk on the phone. 447 00:28:08,734 --> 00:28:11,434 couldn't go to something I wanted to go to. 448 00:28:13,482 --> 00:28:18,162 yeah, like, she was, it was unreal. 449 00:28:18,162 --> 00:28:18,982 Like. 450 00:28:19,274 --> 00:28:22,557 That's- is actually, you know, almost... 451 00:28:22,758 --> 00:28:26,562 I was gonna say impossibly high, but I mean, clearly it's possible because you did it, but... 452 00:28:26,562 --> 00:28:27,150 wow. 453 00:28:27,150 --> 00:28:27,811 was her thing. 454 00:28:27,811 --> 00:28:33,115 She was like, oh, you can make it like I was in like Head Start. 455 00:28:33,135 --> 00:28:36,368 And so you get your little grades and Head Start for reading or whatever. 456 00:28:36,368 --> 00:28:39,520 And she was like, you can make A's. 457 00:28:40,962 --> 00:28:42,282 Always do this. 458 00:28:42,283 --> 00:28:44,123 Hey, wait a minute. 459 00:28:44,265 --> 00:28:45,446 I'm human. 460 00:28:45,446 --> 00:28:46,606 no. 461 00:28:48,108 --> 00:28:50,410 Listen, she was not here. 462 00:28:50,410 --> 00:28:55,886 She was not here for it she was like, if you can make this hundred, you can always make this hundred. 463 00:28:55,886 --> 00:28:59,286 you're not trying hard enough or you're putting you being lazy. 464 00:28:59,286 --> 00:29:02,726 And I'm like, maybe I got that. 465 00:29:02,726 --> 00:29:03,906 And maybe I didn't get this. 466 00:29:03,906 --> 00:29:06,746 No, she was a stickler for that. 467 00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:17,286 So much so like I would aim for a 94, 95, which is probably why I wasn't in contention for valedictorian because I was trying to prevent ass weapons. 468 00:29:17,866 --> 00:29:22,670 So that's But she was talking about for a minute. 469 00:29:22,670 --> 00:29:34,190 I don't know if you read that part of the book, if you did, do you remember where I talked about that exam that 470 00:29:34,796 --> 00:29:37,995 No, the C was... 471 00:29:39,322 --> 00:29:42,314 Yes, and you failed. 472 00:29:42,314 --> 00:29:43,165 And I failed. 473 00:29:43,165 --> 00:29:43,766 I failed. 474 00:29:43,766 --> 00:29:47,140 was the last exam before the actual exam. 475 00:29:47,140 --> 00:29:48,961 was the mock exam. 476 00:29:49,042 --> 00:29:52,566 And I came second from the bottom in class. 477 00:29:52,792 --> 00:29:53,764 Yes. 478 00:29:54,836 --> 00:29:56,915 Mama would have had my tits. 479 00:29:58,278 --> 00:30:09,238 the only thing, the only reason probably why I still have a behind is because it had been an ongoing struggle, you know. 480 00:30:09,238 --> 00:30:11,598 Math is math is absolutely not my thing. 481 00:30:12,338 --> 00:30:21,998 But let me tell you, but I passed the final and I passed the final with actually, guess, the equivalent of a B, which for me felt like an A plus given again. 482 00:30:21,998 --> 00:30:23,018 Right. 483 00:30:23,538 --> 00:30:24,238 But. 484 00:30:24,582 --> 00:30:35,666 The reason why I'm sharing this is because I still remember thinking if I don't pass this, I'm going to embarrass my entire family name. 485 00:30:36,127 --> 00:30:41,609 And so when you said what you just said about, know, you would have gotten you're trying to avoid ass whoopings. 486 00:30:41,609 --> 00:30:43,590 I don't I'm not sure. 487 00:30:43,662 --> 00:30:45,491 I mean, I got some ass whoopings in my time. 488 00:30:45,491 --> 00:30:46,461 Don't get me wrong, right? 489 00:30:46,461 --> 00:30:52,494 But I don't even remember if at that age I was still getting ass whoopings. 490 00:30:52,574 --> 00:30:53,144 But 491 00:30:53,144 --> 00:31:02,211 there definitely was that sense of if you don't get a certain grade or perform in a certain way, there will be shame and like worse than the ass whooping, right? 492 00:31:02,211 --> 00:31:07,525 Because then you get those looks and the girl will happen to you and da da da da, you know, all that sort of stuff. 493 00:31:07,525 --> 00:31:08,864 eh 494 00:31:08,864 --> 00:31:10,606 so disappointed in you. 495 00:31:10,606 --> 00:31:14,606 I feel for baby you. 496 00:31:14,646 --> 00:31:15,906 I feel for baby you. 497 00:31:15,906 --> 00:31:16,746 I feel for baby me. 498 00:31:16,746 --> 00:31:24,666 I feel for the baby version of so many of us who are, who live in fear because that is what it is. 499 00:31:24,666 --> 00:31:39,246 It is fear of punishment and retaliation because maybe, just maybe we're having a, an off day or a bad moment or some people are great during the term, but are not good exam 500 00:31:39,246 --> 00:31:40,114 papers. 501 00:31:40,114 --> 00:31:45,880 Some people can play the full of the whole term, but then turn in a brilliant exam. 502 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:47,871 But you ask them a question, did they have the exam? 503 00:31:47,871 --> 00:31:49,904 They have no idea. 504 00:31:49,904 --> 00:31:53,888 Because they have a lot of work, then they pass the exam, which are two different things. 505 00:31:54,989 --> 00:32:00,314 But I am beginning to see more and more gentle parenting. 506 00:32:00,555 --> 00:32:02,667 And I am grateful. 507 00:32:02,667 --> 00:32:03,907 love it. 508 00:32:03,907 --> 00:32:06,464 love it I'm so jealous of these kids. 509 00:32:06,464 --> 00:32:11,237 was like, oh, you broke something and your mom didn't whoop you. 510 00:32:11,237 --> 00:32:12,709 She hugged you. 511 00:32:13,778 --> 00:32:23,583 I to this day, me and my mom, I mean we laugh about it now, but I remember once because you know Mother Vision is x-ray, right? 512 00:32:24,064 --> 00:32:26,055 They see around corners and through walls and whatever. 513 00:32:26,055 --> 00:32:27,005 They know. 514 00:32:27,005 --> 00:32:28,446 They just know. 515 00:32:28,906 --> 00:32:35,730 So somehow around that same age actually, so I believe I was doing this with her permission. 516 00:32:35,730 --> 00:32:37,251 was, I had nail polish. 517 00:32:37,251 --> 00:32:39,492 I was putting nail polish on my toenails. 518 00:32:39,772 --> 00:32:41,853 The nail polish was chocolate brown. 519 00:32:41,874 --> 00:32:43,244 We had a rug. 520 00:32:44,054 --> 00:32:47,567 that had, I see you're already looking scared. 521 00:32:47,567 --> 00:32:48,919 You're You're ready. 522 00:32:48,919 --> 00:32:50,720 Like, wait, carpeting is involved. 523 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,281 Carpeting is involved. 524 00:32:53,983 --> 00:32:55,324 tell me this. 525 00:32:55,925 --> 00:33:07,275 How did my mom see the dark brown nail polish on the dark brown part of the rug standing up three feet away? 526 00:33:07,275 --> 00:33:08,476 Ask me how. 527 00:33:08,476 --> 00:33:10,708 I have no idea to this day, but she saw it. 528 00:33:10,967 --> 00:33:11,710 They 529 00:33:13,544 --> 00:33:15,054 no idea. 530 00:33:15,194 --> 00:33:17,036 And I think I must have blanked out. 531 00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:18,717 I don't remember exactly what happened. 532 00:33:18,717 --> 00:33:25,621 It probably was not pleasant, you know, because I don't, I really don't. 533 00:33:25,621 --> 00:33:32,565 like, I know something happened because I was, I spilled nail polish on the rug. 534 00:33:35,267 --> 00:33:36,578 And then I went to school the next day. 535 00:33:36,578 --> 00:33:38,889 I don't know what happened in between. 536 00:33:39,289 --> 00:33:40,990 It was a Sunday night. 537 00:33:41,110 --> 00:33:43,912 The next day I went to school, I don't know what happened in between. 538 00:33:44,293 --> 00:33:47,045 It was Monday, it just turned into... 539 00:33:47,045 --> 00:33:47,806 They look beautiful. 540 00:33:47,806 --> 00:33:49,147 They were very cute, I have to say. 541 00:33:49,147 --> 00:33:53,560 Mine might also have been polished. 542 00:33:54,622 --> 00:33:57,264 Right? 543 00:33:57,264 --> 00:33:58,285 I don't know. 544 00:33:58,285 --> 00:33:58,725 I don't know. 545 00:33:58,725 --> 00:34:00,066 I don't want to tell lies on my mom. 546 00:34:00,066 --> 00:34:00,457 I'm not... 547 00:34:00,457 --> 00:34:04,550 I truly, I'm not sure what happened, but something happened. 548 00:34:04,578 --> 00:34:08,175 Well, you know you weren't supposed to be polishing your nails on the rug like that. 549 00:34:08,175 --> 00:34:09,407 You knew better. 550 00:34:10,306 --> 00:34:11,296 You know 551 00:34:14,318 --> 00:34:15,498 mentality. 552 00:34:15,999 --> 00:34:17,089 That was the mentality. 553 00:34:17,089 --> 00:34:20,382 just want something soft. 554 00:34:20,983 --> 00:34:34,753 again, I polish my nails, looking back, part of the reason why I wanted my foot, my feet on something soft is because now I know I'm autistic, right? 555 00:34:34,753 --> 00:34:42,254 And have sensory like to the literally right now, I have a blanket as we are recording this, I have a blanket over my lap. 556 00:34:42,254 --> 00:34:45,154 Because I must always have something soft and cuddly. 557 00:34:45,154 --> 00:34:46,094 Always. 558 00:34:46,313 --> 00:34:48,314 I don't know what it is, but it's just a thing. 559 00:34:48,314 --> 00:34:49,654 I didn't know what it was back then. 560 00:34:49,654 --> 00:34:55,694 Now I can look and retroactively realize, I'm like, oh, that's what that was. 561 00:34:55,734 --> 00:34:56,794 That's why. 562 00:34:57,154 --> 00:34:57,974 But yeah, we don't know. 563 00:34:57,974 --> 00:34:58,958 We didn't know. 564 00:34:58,958 --> 00:35:00,319 But there was no room. 565 00:35:00,319 --> 00:35:04,903 this is why I tell people there was no room. 566 00:35:05,123 --> 00:35:15,112 part of the reason why there was no grace is because we were socialized to protect. 567 00:35:15,112 --> 00:35:19,975 So people get mad about respectability politics and I don't. 568 00:35:20,176 --> 00:35:23,278 I mean, I don't agree with respectability politics. 569 00:35:24,039 --> 00:35:27,552 I don't get mad because there was a time 570 00:35:27,790 --> 00:35:35,404 where if you showed your ass, could die. 571 00:35:35,404 --> 00:35:36,115 You could. 572 00:35:36,115 --> 00:35:36,445 Yes. 573 00:35:36,445 --> 00:35:37,056 So it is. 574 00:35:37,056 --> 00:35:46,785 It is a it does come from wanting to protect it and and bearing in mind again, everything is tied into slavery. 575 00:35:46,785 --> 00:35:47,946 Right. 576 00:35:49,288 --> 00:35:50,769 It ties back to slavery. 577 00:35:50,769 --> 00:35:56,955 So when you hear parents say, basically, I'm a beat you before you leave the house. 578 00:35:57,015 --> 00:36:00,218 So nobody has to beat you while you're out of the house. 579 00:36:00,576 --> 00:36:04,028 If I didn't hear that five million times as a child. 580 00:36:04,142 --> 00:36:05,082 right? 581 00:36:05,302 --> 00:36:06,082 am. 582 00:36:06,442 --> 00:36:07,382 I am. 583 00:36:07,402 --> 00:36:12,002 Yes, because that that that is I'm a beat you. 584 00:36:12,002 --> 00:36:13,462 So Masa doesn't beat you. 585 00:36:13,462 --> 00:36:15,302 That's where that comes from. 586 00:36:15,302 --> 00:36:16,558 That is where that 587 00:36:16,558 --> 00:36:18,739 deeply ingrained. 588 00:36:18,739 --> 00:36:36,805 So it is, it is beautiful to see that we are now at a space in time, even though we still, I don't feel particularly safe in this moment in the broader context of living in the 589 00:36:36,805 --> 00:36:41,066 United States, but I take heart that 590 00:36:41,528 --> 00:36:50,301 parents are working very hard, especially black parents are working very hard to allow their kids to exist. 591 00:36:51,082 --> 00:37:09,829 without this need to instill this fear, because that fear, and you mentioned it in this story, that fear has been what's kept me from fully harnessing who I am. 592 00:37:10,786 --> 00:37:14,709 the force that I was put on earth to be. 593 00:37:14,929 --> 00:37:24,296 And this book, it spoke something to my spirit that I feel like God is working on. 594 00:37:24,297 --> 00:37:30,262 And that's why I was so excited to have this conversation because I know I'm not alone. 595 00:37:30,262 --> 00:37:39,214 I know there are so many people who've gone down the path and they probably shouldn't have ever gone down the path if they're honest with themselves. 596 00:37:39,214 --> 00:37:40,320 Yep. 597 00:37:40,578 --> 00:37:43,961 You're living under all these other people's expectations. 598 00:37:43,961 --> 00:37:54,951 You're trying to make your parents proud because they work so hard and they struggle to give you everything they could and you want to honor that. 599 00:37:54,951 --> 00:38:07,086 And so, no, you can't go off and be a painter or a poet or, you know, liberal arts major and then not go to medical school. 600 00:38:07,086 --> 00:38:08,514 You need to get a real job. 601 00:38:08,678 --> 00:38:10,929 Right, you need to get a real job. 602 00:38:10,929 --> 00:38:17,802 And it is so, it has been so hard for me and I know God is working. 603 00:38:17,802 --> 00:38:27,346 I know it, I feel it, but it has been so hard for me to divorce myself from that expectation. 604 00:38:28,427 --> 00:38:35,392 Especially when I don't know where I'm supposed to exactly go next. 605 00:38:35,392 --> 00:38:42,656 And I say I don't know and yet here I am producing a podcast. 606 00:38:42,656 --> 00:38:44,276 Yes, because you took the words out of my mouth. 607 00:38:44,276 --> 00:38:50,321 I'm like, really says it now in front of me telling me this because she knows, she knows I'm going to say something. 608 00:38:51,104 --> 00:38:52,565 You don't know. 609 00:38:52,906 --> 00:38:53,789 Let me tell you, right. 610 00:38:53,789 --> 00:38:54,412 oh 611 00:38:54,412 --> 00:38:55,422 safe. 612 00:38:55,502 --> 00:38:57,423 This is not a profitable venture. 613 00:38:57,423 --> 00:38:59,283 started this with my soul intention. 614 00:38:59,283 --> 00:39:02,624 I think the same way with your soul intention for this book, right? 615 00:39:02,624 --> 00:39:05,765 It's for the next generations, for the people coming after me. 616 00:39:05,765 --> 00:39:14,067 I know what I went through and I started this healing journey and I want to bring you along because this has helped me and I can't gatekeep this. 617 00:39:14,187 --> 00:39:15,428 I feel that. 618 00:39:15,428 --> 00:39:23,950 And that's why for nine seasons now, I have been doing this podcast and the business side of podcasting. 619 00:39:23,992 --> 00:39:30,525 have to learn and for whatever reason that has been a journey. 620 00:39:31,166 --> 00:39:41,952 And so I show up because I don't do this necessarily for myself, even though I always benefit from the conversations of my guests. 621 00:39:41,952 --> 00:39:45,814 I always benefit and then learn and I want to share that. 622 00:39:45,814 --> 00:39:47,014 And that's great. 623 00:39:47,014 --> 00:39:50,056 But I also also have bills. 624 00:39:50,917 --> 00:39:53,258 And so what are we doing? 625 00:39:53,258 --> 00:39:53,930 Right. 626 00:39:53,930 --> 00:40:02,506 And so it's been this fear because also, also corporate doesn't like me having this podcast. 627 00:40:03,990 --> 00:40:07,553 Yes, because can I can I just ask a question? 628 00:40:07,553 --> 00:40:12,076 um You said nine seasons, Yeah. 629 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:12,417 Right. 630 00:40:12,417 --> 00:40:18,582 So that equates to about four and a half years or so or how many? 631 00:40:21,374 --> 00:40:23,235 Okay, so about eight years, right? 632 00:40:23,235 --> 00:40:26,776 So you've been doing this for eight years. 633 00:40:27,116 --> 00:40:32,457 Corporate doesn't like you um having it, right? 634 00:40:32,678 --> 00:40:35,998 Because the podcast is great. 635 00:40:36,459 --> 00:40:39,269 You and your podcast are forces of nature. 636 00:40:39,269 --> 00:40:44,741 But if it was some little itty bitty fly by night podcast, it would not care. 637 00:40:45,861 --> 00:40:48,462 So it is in fact a reflection. 638 00:40:49,390 --> 00:40:49,790 Right. 639 00:40:49,790 --> 00:40:52,830 Because, know, they want you to stay and be a worker bee. 640 00:40:52,830 --> 00:40:53,409 Right. 641 00:40:53,409 --> 00:40:54,030 Right. 642 00:40:54,030 --> 00:40:57,950 And while I say I'm saying stay, I understand you understand what I mean. 643 00:40:57,950 --> 00:40:59,810 You're between jobs now, but in general. 644 00:40:59,810 --> 00:40:59,950 Right. 645 00:40:59,950 --> 00:41:00,370 Yeah. 646 00:41:00,370 --> 00:41:04,070 They want you to stay right to stay and be a worker bee. 647 00:41:04,090 --> 00:41:06,530 God has bigger plans for you. 648 00:41:06,530 --> 00:41:07,170 Right. 649 00:41:07,170 --> 00:41:07,790 Yeah. 650 00:41:07,790 --> 00:41:11,090 That's one of the reasons why the podcast is still going. 651 00:41:11,410 --> 00:41:12,290 Right. 652 00:41:12,290 --> 00:41:17,742 That is one of reasons, you know, you have sponsors and you do there's there's reasons. 653 00:41:17,742 --> 00:41:19,242 I don't have no sponsors yet. 654 00:41:19,242 --> 00:41:26,092 So if you would like to sponsor this podcast, anybody listening, would like to be a sponsor? 655 00:41:26,092 --> 00:41:27,322 make this, make this happen. 656 00:41:27,322 --> 00:41:30,233 Let there be sponsors and there were sponsors. 657 00:41:30,233 --> 00:41:31,743 Let there be sponsors. 658 00:41:31,764 --> 00:41:32,524 Okay. 659 00:41:32,524 --> 00:41:40,386 And so all of this is happening because you are on your right path. 660 00:41:40,386 --> 00:41:43,287 And sometimes it can be difficult. 661 00:41:43,287 --> 00:41:48,718 I had to accept one of the reasons why apart from, you know, systemic racism, right. 662 00:41:48,718 --> 00:41:56,120 But one of the reasons why for me personally, you know, yes, there were systemic forces at play, but I also did not 663 00:41:56,120 --> 00:42:01,052 progress in a certain way in corporate because I was actually never meant to. 664 00:42:01,392 --> 00:42:04,534 literally I don't fit there. 665 00:42:04,534 --> 00:42:10,616 so therefore this stuff, why am I on this is now well, you know, I just started another podcast of my own, right? 666 00:42:10,616 --> 00:42:11,937 This podcast number three. 667 00:42:11,937 --> 00:42:14,718 So like you, God is also telling me something, right? 668 00:42:14,718 --> 00:42:15,519 Yeah. 669 00:42:15,519 --> 00:42:16,199 Okay. 670 00:42:16,199 --> 00:42:23,662 So all this stuff that I do outside of corporate blossoms like your podcast. 671 00:42:23,788 --> 00:42:30,655 There's a reason why it's been around for nine seasons and will continue to be. 672 00:42:36,364 --> 00:42:38,957 I so appreciate you so much. 673 00:42:38,957 --> 00:42:39,637 Same here. 674 00:42:39,637 --> 00:42:41,598 You have no idea. 675 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:43,521 I cannot wait. 676 00:42:43,521 --> 00:42:44,992 When is the book coming out? 677 00:42:44,992 --> 00:42:48,262 It's coming out on June 17th. 678 00:42:48,262 --> 00:42:50,644 um 679 00:42:50,644 --> 00:42:51,542 though? 680 00:42:51,542 --> 00:42:53,426 It's so close to Juneteenth. 681 00:42:53,426 --> 00:42:55,868 Listen, let me tell you how God works. 682 00:42:55,868 --> 00:42:59,050 I had a different release date. 683 00:42:59,050 --> 00:43:01,992 It was supposed to be May 6th. 684 00:43:01,992 --> 00:43:03,273 Things happened. 685 00:43:03,273 --> 00:43:07,456 Fast forward, new date, and I told the public, okay, great. 686 00:43:07,456 --> 00:43:15,781 I want it to be June 17th because, first of all, traditionally published books normally release on Tuesdays. 687 00:43:15,781 --> 00:43:18,723 So that would be the Tuesday. 688 00:43:18,723 --> 00:43:22,976 My community, The Great Exhale, was launched on Juneteenth. 689 00:43:23,062 --> 00:43:24,483 a couple of years ago. 690 00:43:25,043 --> 00:43:35,211 And so it'll be book release day on June 17th, the second anniversary of The Great Exhale on June 19th, which is Juneteenth. 691 00:43:35,211 --> 00:43:42,235 And then I'm having an in-person um launch event on Saturday, June 21st. 692 00:43:42,235 --> 00:43:45,007 So that whole week is just, I'm like, okay, that's my week. 693 00:43:45,007 --> 00:43:46,978 It's one big celebration. 694 00:43:47,919 --> 00:43:51,182 And so I'm excited about it. 695 00:43:52,706 --> 00:43:57,490 I have so many hopes and dreams and wishes for this book, right? 696 00:43:57,490 --> 00:43:58,311 I'm not going to lie. 697 00:43:58,311 --> 00:44:04,115 There's a, you know, I'm a human being and all human beings have um human wishes, right? 698 00:44:04,115 --> 00:44:08,959 My human, one of my human wishes is for the book to make one of the bestseller lists. 699 00:44:08,959 --> 00:44:10,300 That's what I would love. 700 00:44:10,441 --> 00:44:14,564 Honestly, when I was writing the book, though, that was not on my mind at all. 701 00:44:14,564 --> 00:44:22,560 My goal as a as a Reiki master, as an auntie, as a human being with some some 702 00:44:22,622 --> 00:44:25,104 love in their heart and empathy. 703 00:44:25,104 --> 00:44:41,237 want the book, I want Space Text Hill to be like a portal to healing and to elevation and to self-love, to community care, to all of those good things and to black women feeling 704 00:44:41,237 --> 00:44:46,701 better about themselves, treating themselves and each other better. 705 00:44:46,982 --> 00:44:50,034 for, you know, the book is for everyone. 706 00:44:50,034 --> 00:44:52,706 But of course, as you know, as you know, you've read it. 707 00:44:52,990 --> 00:44:58,172 Everything I do, right, has black women at the center. 708 00:44:58,833 --> 00:45:13,300 Everybody else that benefits, that's wonderful, but I'm always thinking about my sisters and I just want my sisters to feel seen, seen and believed and supported and held and 709 00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:13,841 loved. 710 00:45:13,841 --> 00:45:16,302 That's what I want by reading. 711 00:45:16,962 --> 00:45:20,405 what this book has done. 712 00:45:20,405 --> 00:45:22,506 You have accomplished that goal. 713 00:45:22,506 --> 00:45:24,187 You really, really have. 714 00:45:24,347 --> 00:45:27,749 I am proud to know you. 715 00:45:27,770 --> 00:45:30,652 Thank you for coming into my life. 716 00:45:30,652 --> 00:45:34,175 Thank you for doing the work to help us. 717 00:45:34,175 --> 00:45:40,659 This book is going to reach the people right where they need it, when they need it. 718 00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:42,821 And the time is now. 719 00:45:42,821 --> 00:45:44,672 So listen, guys. 720 00:45:45,038 --> 00:45:51,318 If you want to win a copy of Space to Exhale from the Trillin B.A. 721 00:45:51,318 --> 00:46:00,478 show, giving away five, okay, you'll get them sometime the week of June 17th when the book comes out. 722 00:46:00,478 --> 00:46:06,998 You will have a week, Sunday to Sunday, to email us at Ask a Trillin B.A. 723 00:46:06,998 --> 00:46:09,498 and answer the following questions. 724 00:46:09,618 --> 00:46:13,338 What are you going to do this week? 725 00:46:13,420 --> 00:46:15,445 to remember to breathe. 726 00:46:16,044 --> 00:46:18,109 Ooh, I love that. 727 00:46:18,710 --> 00:46:25,114 And so the first five people that answer, send me that and answer the question and really answer it. 728 00:46:25,114 --> 00:46:31,777 Like what practice are you going to put in place for yourself to remember to breathe? 729 00:46:32,058 --> 00:46:38,541 ask@trillmba.com Lisa, thank you so, so much. 730 00:46:38,661 --> 00:46:40,772 You are a treasure. 731 00:46:40,772 --> 00:46:45,645 And I'm not just saying that because my nickname is Lisa. 732 00:46:45,645 --> 00:46:47,428 Like, well Lisa's a- 733 00:46:47,428 --> 00:46:50,559 that so we're really like releases yes 734 00:46:52,822 --> 00:46:54,353 Hehehehehe! 735 00:46:54,774 --> 00:46:58,216 Lisa, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. 736 00:46:58,216 --> 00:47:01,097 You are definitely a blessing. 737 00:47:01,097 --> 00:47:04,118 Don't never let nobody tell you any different. 738 00:47:04,118 --> 00:47:07,860 I'm so excited for this book to come out on June 17th. 739 00:47:07,860 --> 00:47:19,814 Guys, if you haven't already gotten this book and you're seeing this after June 17th, run, don't walk, don't make haste, run out and get this book. 740 00:47:19,814 --> 00:47:22,866 It will be available nationwide. 741 00:47:22,866 --> 00:47:23,776 Okay. 742 00:47:24,098 --> 00:47:33,760 Lisa, are there any websites or anything you want outside of the book you want us to know about other resources that you have curated? 743 00:47:34,574 --> 00:47:37,914 Oh, oh, well, first of all, Lisa. 744 00:47:40,094 --> 00:47:40,934 Thank you. 745 00:47:40,934 --> 00:47:42,494 Everybody's going to be like, wait, who? 746 00:47:42,494 --> 00:47:44,014 Two Lisa's I thought. 747 00:47:44,954 --> 00:47:46,114 They'll figure it out. 748 00:47:46,894 --> 00:47:48,334 If you know, know. 749 00:47:48,334 --> 00:47:51,594 First of all, thank you so much for having me. 750 00:47:51,594 --> 00:47:55,434 This conversation really, it just filled my spirit. 751 00:47:55,434 --> 00:47:58,794 I feel blessed for this conversation. 752 00:47:58,794 --> 00:48:00,754 It was entertaining. 753 00:48:00,794 --> 00:48:02,634 It was fulfilling. 754 00:48:02,914 --> 00:48:05,676 We did the key keying and all this stuff. 755 00:48:05,837 --> 00:48:06,357 Right. 756 00:48:06,357 --> 00:48:09,199 um So thank you so much for having me. 757 00:48:09,199 --> 00:48:15,664 ah People can learn more about the book at space to exhale book dot com. 758 00:48:15,845 --> 00:48:20,309 And I also have um space to exhale the podcast. 759 00:48:20,309 --> 00:48:27,054 um It's available on Spotify, on YouTube, all the places per usual. 760 00:48:27,272 --> 00:48:29,504 And yeah, that's it for that. 761 00:48:29,504 --> 00:48:30,444 That's really it for me. 762 00:48:30,444 --> 00:48:31,585 I'm on LinkedIn. 763 00:48:31,585 --> 00:48:33,176 You know, look me up, Lisa Hurley. 764 00:48:33,176 --> 00:48:35,407 People can find me there as well. 765 00:48:35,648 --> 00:48:37,039 And thank you again. 766 00:48:37,039 --> 00:48:39,780 This was just I don't know. 767 00:48:39,780 --> 00:48:43,503 I love conversations like this that just like organically happen. 768 00:48:43,503 --> 00:48:46,695 And it feels like a meeting of two kindred spirits. 769 00:48:46,695 --> 00:48:49,877 So thank you for blessing me like this. 770 00:48:49,877 --> 00:48:51,178 Thank you so much. 771 00:48:51,406 --> 00:48:52,447 I'm just a mirror. 772 00:48:52,447 --> 00:48:53,338 I'm just a mirror. 773 00:48:53,338 --> 00:48:56,811 And guys, all those links will be in the show notes. 774 00:48:56,811 --> 00:49:00,253 So until next time, guys, keep it true. 775 00:49:07,438 --> 00:49:13,558 Well guys, that's a wrap on another great episode of the Career Management Podcast for Black Women. 776 00:49:13,558 --> 00:49:15,618 Yes, girl, this show is just for you. 777 00:49:15,618 --> 00:49:26,218 We're here to tell you how to play that chessboard at work, So, subscribe, comment, like, follow us on social media at TrillinBAShow. 778 00:49:26,258 --> 00:49:36,822 Listen, every time you tell one of your friends, you share this information, you share this podcast, it helps us to grow and make even more dope content. 779 00:49:36,822 --> 00:49:39,763 just for you, unapologetically. 780 00:49:39,763 --> 00:49:41,284 That's why we're here. 781 00:49:41,324 --> 00:49:54,350 Now, if you are facing a workplace dilemma, such as a performance improvement plan, or you're not able to secure your promotion and raise that you have worked for and you have 782 00:49:54,350 --> 00:50:00,873 deserved, basically, if these people are play playing in your face, we are here to help. 783 00:50:00,873 --> 00:50:04,280 Go to Trillinba.com slash coaching. 784 00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:11,074 to schedule a one-time one-on-one call to workshop your specific dilemma with me. 785 00:50:11,195 --> 00:50:19,741 Or schedule a consult to get more information about the consulting packages that I do offer on a longer-term basis. 786 00:50:19,741 --> 00:50:26,786 As always, you can reach out to us with your listener letters and your questions at trillmba.com. 787 00:50:26,786 --> 00:50:31,329 Until next time, guys, focus on your best possible outcome. 788 00:50:31,329 --> 00:50:33,390 Ask for help when you need it. 789 00:50:33,390 --> 00:50:35,435 Please, please, please ask for help. 790 00:50:35,435 --> 00:50:38,122 And as always, keep it true. 791 00:50:38,122 --> 00:50:39,795 I'll see y'all next week.